Twins Of Evil 1971

twinsevil
One thing that can be said for Hammer Horror movies – they were almost never boring. Twins of Evil might be their least boring film ever, not good exactly, but what fun.

Peter Cushing plays the single-minded witch hunter who, with his wacky “brotherhood” spend the nights hunting single women and burning them at the stake in an attempt to wipe out the mysterious plague that leaves young men dead and drained of blood. Cushing doesn’t believe that it could possibly be vampires causing the deaths because vampires are just myths and made up. Witches? Fine, completely believable, but the day Cushing believes in stupid vampires is the day that, er, he appears as Van Helsing in other Hammer movies.

Some of the young women are protected by a local Count who is incredibly bored, horny and into Satan. No connection is made here by Cushing and the Brotherhood either. The Count, who looks like a scary cross between Uri Geller and Jimmy Fallon, decides to kill a peasant girl for the hell of it. Her blood brings back to life one of his Countess ancestors who happens to be a vampire. This causes a few problems as this is the first time a vampire has shown up but there have already been a number of victims. Fortunately everyone ignores this plot hole and the Count and his relative, who by all accounts seems to be his Grandmother, do the only decent thing and have sex.

At this point Grandma Countess Vampire person masterbates a candle.

Say what now? Yep, the Countess tosses off a candle. I am not making this up. The two aristracts are rolling around on fur rugs in front of a fireplace and the countess reaches out behind her, grabs the erect candle and, well, not to put too fine a point on it, pumps its shaft. If you don’t believe me look:

candle

Happy now? God knows I am. It might be the silliest thing ever committed to film, no subtlety, no sense. Just work that wax girl.
Anyway, by now you might be wondering why the hell this film is called Twins of Evil. The two nieces of Peter Cushing arrive in town, under his charge and cause a lot of heavy panting by the locals. Of course one of the twins wants to meet the Count and get up to some bad stuff, the other just wants to be polite to everyone. This is a bit of a problem as the film is called Twins of Evil and clearly only one of them is evil. I can only assume that the title is in reference to the evil ones constantly heaving breasts. Another problem is that one of the girls speaks with a thick Austrian accent while the other speaks the queen’s English. Was this not noticed on set? Perhaps as the two actresses were Playboy’s first ever twin centre-folds the almost certainly male crew decided not to worry about such minor details.
So one becomes a vampire, there’s an awful lot of burning, staking and an almost beautiful beheading. The sets, lighting and dreamy day-for-night are all up to the usual Hammer standard – I wonder how many low budget films made this quickly nowadays could look this good- and between the bright red blood and the non stop unsubtle sexual imagery it’s might be one of their best. It’s certainly never boring

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